Nearing 50 and not liking me…..
I was a size 0 when I was in high school and I liked my small frame, now at the age of 48 I worry about my larger size and my health. I remember my brother used tease me when I was young, “If you turn sideways you’ll disappear,” I was ok with that, so why now does it bother me when people say, “oh you’ve lost weight you look good.” I guess back in those days I knew I didn’t have the weight to lose so when people say it now I feel like they see me as a person that needs to lose some lbs.
My first job out of high school was at a company called A.B. Chance Co of Canada, located in Scarborough. One day on my way to work it happened and this would start the change in my life. My lung collapsed, sounds simple enough go to the hospital take care of it and get on with your life.
So why do I bring up my breathing issues when I am talking about my weight gain? my breathing issues were also the introduction of steroids to my daily life (and weight gain). From pills, nasal sprays, inhalers and more this became a regular part of my life during asthma attacks. Through the really bad episodes it was found that only regular high doses of prednisone would bring me back, I hate the prednisone!! One of my drs once said, “it’s the lesser evil of your choices” , and I sadly agree.
I summarize my journey here for sake of time but this has been a 25 year journey, specialist after specialist, test after test and still no diagnoses. One Dr says, “exercise!!!” another will say, “take it easy”. I’ve had regular visits for months on end to St. Michael’s hospital and therapy sessions that still left me undiagnosed and some weeks, fighting for my life.
Then in 2005 I was pregnant with my first child, through constant breathing problems and inhalers and then gestational diabetes I put on more weight and that started me on more of a down spiral to how I felt about me. In 2008 I had my second child and again had gestational diabetes and more breathing issues. (although I would not change it for anything as I was blessed with two beautiful babies).
My children are 6 and 8 now and I don’t like them to hear how I feel about me, I try to keep body image as a positive one but honestly sometimes this is hard. “mommy you need a new bathing suits.” EEEEKKK!!! I DO NOT want to go bathing suite shopping but I also don’t want to tell them why. Truth is I very rarely go cloths shopping at all. A few years ago my husband and I went on a vacation on a cruise and my biggest fear was the pool and having to put on the dreaded bathing suite. I never ended up in the pool on the ship.
I am also the community producer and co-host of a show called mommy talk on Rogers TV Georgina. On taping nights everything in my closet comes out to see what I can put on that will hide my body figure especially when I sit on that red sofa. When I watch the show I am proud of the content and the amazing show we’ve created but I cringe when I see my rolls on TV.
So here I am with 50 creeping up in a few years and every winter I say I’ll lose weight in the summer when I feel better. Then the summer hits, if flies by and aside from swimming in our pool I miss out on my weight loss goals, then my health issues kicks in again and its a big fail.
My new favourite show is Dr. Oz, I watch it every day for tips, how to live a healthy lifestyle, and great recipes, even my daughter loves this show now. I have always been a healthy eater but still needed improvement and Dr. Oz has helped me since I need to keep my energy up, always been a tough one for me, and lose weight.
This year on May 9th I will be doing a 5k walk for the Recovery Cancer Foundation and this I am hoping will motivate me to continue my journey through the summer months and beyond.
I have also ordered some products from the Jeunesse line I sell as an independent distributor. I am going to keep my journey on my blog so that you to can follow my travels, keep me motivated and maybe I can even help you with yours.